A Mother’s Heart

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I have been raised by one of the most selfless mothers. She raised me to love, be kind and most importantly, she showed me what it is to be a good human being.

I have valued beyond measure all she has taught me in life, thus allowing me to learn things I didn’t expect to know.

If it weren’t for the strength of my mother, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this post about my heart, a mother’s heart, who has no children.

For over fives years, we have prayed, cried, struggled, but still tried to expand our family. We have met obstacles, defeat and sadness, but we still have hope that our persistence will lead to a miracle.

As difficult as it is to write out the words no children, I most of the time do not see myself that way.

I have loved a sweet little bean that couldn’t stay with us long, for four years. I will never know what that little bean would have turned into, because for one reason or another, they weren’t meant to stay here with us.

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I have faith that despite when we had our loss, that there is another story to be told, we just have to keep going, turning the pages as they come.

This journey is not something we expected, but we are embracing each day, and moment with each other as we faithfully wait for what is meant for us.

I yearn to hold our child in my arms, and even though this child does not exist yet, I love them. I have hope that the love my husband and I share, will help create the miracle we long for. I have never wanted anything so very badly, but find myself patient with this  very long, sometimes heart wrenching journey.

If you find yourself going through a similar circumstance, please don’t lose hope. I truly believe it is in these moments, when you truly find yourself and the life that is meant for you. It is a beautiful life, no matter how much you don’t understand your own personal struggle. So be patient, and most importantly be kind to yourselves during the wait. You deserve that.

While we wait, our arms may be empty, but our hearts are so very full. I do have a mother’s heart, and I can’t wait until the day I finally get to use it.

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This post is to honor and remember all the pregnancies and babies lost before their beautiful lives were truly known. October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It is a day that many parents both dread and are thankful for. All pregnancies and infants lost are something we carry in our hearts every day. You may not see them, but we still feel the love and pain all the same. Every child, both living or unfortunately not, are beautiful miracles- some just aren’t meant to stay. We will never understand the why, but to find strength in a community that unites because of this common pain, does bring us all comfort. To all the little perfect angels that watch us from above, we miss you, we love you, we celebrate you, we mourn you, we honor you.

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